On Endurance in Miscarriage & Loss

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Starting today and running through October 30th, She’s in the City is hosting a series called More Precious Than Gold – because all of us are just that! The series will encourage women of all ages on endurance in various seasons of depletion and disappointment and was inspired from the following passage in 1 Peter:

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

-1 Peter 1:6-7 

Each week’s episode will focus on a different season of trial or weariness we face as women. Which begs the question: what if this week’s season doesn’t apply to me? My encouragement is LISTEN ANYWAY! If you haven’t yet experienced something, it’s likely a loved one or dear SHE around you has. We hope in those cases, our talks in the coming weeks can foster compassion in you and serve as a comfort to share with those in your life who are facing these specific seasons.

My new favorite motto, which is noted in this week’s episode, is this:

“We’d rather be with you in your mess than alone in ours.”

I hope y’all feel the same!

When we’re killing it physically, but our minds and spirits are a train wreck.

I heard it said recently that people are impressed by your strengths, but they’re invited in by your weakness. A seemingly simple idea, but one with powerful potential when channeled by individuals who have endured great hurt and, subsequently, invite others into that hurt. That’s what we see this week on More Precious Than Gold.

We have two more moms with us on today’s episode, but moms who have faced every mother’s most primal fear – loss. From miscarriages to still births to any other number of fertility or pregnancy complications, somewhere from 1 in 4 to 1 in 8 women will suffer some degree of loss in pregnancy – which is exactly why we don’t want to yet desperately need to talk about it!

But why? Why talk about such a devastating reality? Here’s a few reasons from this week’s guests:

It’s just as devastating as any other loss. It’s not your fault. It is an enormous hurt. And there’s no expectation to hold back or button up the grief that comes with this loss. 

Inclusion. It’s not just you. Everything you’re feeling is normal. More women have faced it than not, and there’s no advantage or gold medal for braving it alone.

Hope multiplied. On days you feel hopeless, you can look to the stories and faiths of others to nourish your tattered spirit. On days others are hopeless, they can look to yours.

One of our guests said it this way: “I find there’s more common ground than differences when you talk about pain, no matter how it enters your life. I talk about it to relate to people and to share the hope I found in the darkest days that I’ve faced in my life.”

There’s no beating around the bush – this week’s space is heavy. But it is also one of the most hope-filled, compassion-laced hours I’ve experienced in a long time. In addition to creating a place for and the courage to share our losses, we talk about how to endure after miscarriage or loss, both in the immediate days following and in the long run as we battle prolonged grief and fear. We admit how much this straight up sucks and that we cannot move toward healing until we do. We get honest about how to keeping relying on and trusting in God when we don’t get the miracles we pray for.

The honesty, fragility, and divine strength the women in this week’s episode exude is an inspiration to any SHE, regardless of what trial you’ve faced. Please lend these remarkable women your ear. I assure you, your heart will be lifted.

A few resources for our SHE’S:

For infertility: Starfish Infertility Foundation; more info + video

For moms facing miscarriage and child loss: Community Group @ Brentwood Baptist (led by Ally) – begins Sept 16th @ 6pm (see more info or email at allymcantrell@gmail.com)

For anyone facing loss: Holding Onto Hope, (and many more) by Nancy Guthrie; I Will Carry You, Angie Smith